I made a troubling realization recently.

I became aware of this strange, anti-analogous relationship that I have developed with Gregor Samsa. In Kafka's Metamorphosis, Gregor awakes to find himself physically transformed into a monster overnight. His family is disgusted and they don't recognize him at first, and never realize that he hasn't changed inside. It's very slowly that Gregor changes mentally.

I feel as though I've gone under my own transformation, but completely opposite to the one in the story. I haven't changed much in my outside appearance, but slowly and subtly I've become a monster inwardly. And it's something that I could hide from most people, even from myself.

No one treated me differently or were disgusted by my transformation; in the way Samsa's family couldn't see the human inside, no one noticed the monster inside of me.

But unlike Gregor, I have been granted the grace to change, even though I am much less deserving.